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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Ya know, sometimes I get mad ‘cause the city gets all touristy – like, c'mon, leave some peace for us locals, right?! But then, in a flash, I'm happy as ever when I see old timers sharing laughs on the corner by Plaza del Oro. It's the kinda realness that makes this city so special.

City orders fixes at UC-owned Hilltop apartments in Santa Cruz as problems mount